... Pasty Useless Fuck ...

02:55 am:

I FRENCHED JIMMY URINE!
... after I punched him for chewing up my last cigarette.
And just in cause you were wondering... his tongue tastes sweet and slightly boozy.
And he licked my neck... and gave me orders for Waffle House.
GAH! I'm going to go masturbate to gay, sweet tasting, scantily clad gay men now.

( GIVE IT TO ME RAW )

01:00 pm: Would you kill me in my sleep?
"Is that a bruise?"
"No. That's a tattoo."
::poke::
"Ow. Fuck. Okay, that was a bruise."

05:26 pm: Guess what, fool?!?
Andy Outbreak has disbanded from the Distillers. And that really sucks. He was my hot, drummer boy, hook-up, you know? And now he's gone... Eh... My purse is still open in case he ever needs to relieve his stream of justice.
And Brody is engaged.
Hm.
Well.
I guess I'll go...

Bi-yee.

04:37 pm: That's it...
I'm broken. Someone fix me.

01:46 am: Never gonna get it right, you're never gonna get it.
....
I can still taste you, thus reserve my right to hate you
....
I hope the next girl you kiss has something terribly contagious on her lips
....
"What do you want for your birthday?"
"You."
"What?"
"I'm never going to be able to have you again... I want you."
"You're not going to get me. What else do you want?"
"Eh. Nothing."
"I'll make cupcakes then."
....
Never gonna get it right, you're never gonna get it.

.................................................................................

I'm lonely. And when I'm lonely I do things I normally wouldn't. So far... I have been good... mostly.
But I know I am wearing thin.
Very thin.

.................................................................................
You can tell me how vile, I already know that I am.
....
You can sin, or spend the night all alone.
....
It's dark in your room, when I sneak to your bed, to pour salt in your wounds.
.................................................................................
Has anyone ever tried at-home-liposuction? If so, do tell me how it went...
because I'm taking it into consideration. Maybe I can use the extra skin to make a purse... or Oh! leather pants... fuckin A.
.................................................................................
It's 1:59.
.................................................................................
And if you ever said you missed me then don't say you never lied.

07:26 pm: HEY YOU FUCKERS!
New email- dirtyglass@hotmail.com
and a new MySpace account- katherine ashby

go fucking me. it's been a productive day.

03:03 am: WELL, I'VE BEEN KEEPING YOU IN THIS DUMPSTER FOR A WEEK NOW
I'm seeing and hearing shit everywhere now. I was in the bathroom, sitting in my sink, doing my eyebrows and I hear clinking in my tub.
THANKS A FUCKING BUNCH, JACQUELINE!
Usually I sleep naked but I just don't feel like it tonight. I don't exactly want to wake up to something in the middle of the night and have my tit hanging out.
... Ghosts can suck my fucking white ass!

05:30 pm: IT'S OVER, IT'S OVER, THIS HAUNTING, ITS OVER
Darren- Marco
Kate- Pollo. That's chicken in spanish.
Darren-You came in third place with your reply. Chicken butt.
Kate- Chicken butt fucker.
Darren- I butt fucked a chicken once. My cum shot out its beak.

I don't respond to this lovely imagery he so graciously provided me. Times passes, time passes. Then later in the evening... GET THIS KIDDIES, IT'S A FUCKING HOOT.

Darren- I miss you.
Kate- WHY?!
Darren- I miss little things. Like your smell. Weird?
Kate- You're negligent and flaky towards me.
Darren- Okay. Was telling you how I feel, not looking for insult or judgement.
Kate- I was telling you how I feel, and why I can't reciprocate.
Kate- Which is why we would be better friends.
Darren- I was just saying I miss you. Fuck it.
Kate- Don't get fucking mad. It needed to be said.
Darren- I love how you tell me, don't get fucking mad. You act so vulnerable and sensative yet don't show me the slightest tenderness or sensitivity.
Kate- You fucker.

On a lighter note, I got pics back yesterday and I meticulously labeled them and made them pretty. Chopped up the ones I didn't like. They're nice. And they make me unbelieveably happy.
Oh, and something else makes me happy. It makes me smile with my eyes... But I'm on restriction. No touchy.
*Baby, you make my heart beat faster*
... Now that I'm all warm and fuzzy...
Fuck, I'm tired and I know I'm babbling. My apologizes.

You fucking wanker! Burn in hell.

And you! You... be good. Wait and be good.

12:14 pm: I was throughly and completely kicked on my ass last night. Countless fucking shots, a jagerbomb, a couple packs of cigs.
And I feel like shit. Holy hell.

03:56 am: "Lick my clit, I like it"
Kate is awake.
Kate is awake and could go for some hardcore tonsil hockey.
But I am feeling very unshowered and slightly tired.
Dammit, after I shower and get some sleep, you all better watch out...
... I'm getting my piece of the goddamn tongue and I know who exactly I want to get it from.

"I'm not a nymphomaniac. I'm a compulsive liar."

03:55 pm: ........come here o' little one...... i've got something to show you........
HEY JACQUELINE!

http://launch.yahoo.com/ar-298481-videos--Brand-New

Check out Sic Transit Gloria.

07:40 pm: .this-is-so-messed-up.
Fever.

Focus.

The little sponge was dripping, full and heavy with water. And it was happy.

....

We celebrated Christmas today. I got a cookbook, a stand, and socks.
Fuckers.
I already have the same cookbook, the socks are those fuzzy ones that make your feet too hot, and the stand... well, actually, I like the stand.
I baked brownies and made cheese dip for everyone. I even chilled some cider.... Anything for the family.
Jamie got shots to quit smoking. She also said she was on some diet where you take barbiturates to stop cravings. Then she made a crack about my lip ring and said maybe I'll finally be able to settle on a good guy now because with my ring he can just hook me. Hardy har har.
Annie is getting obnoxiously skinny. She was fascinated with my room. She stood there for a few minutes, fiddled with my cds, stared at my pics in the bathroom, went through my shoes, tried them on, went through my make-up, then paused and asked, "Are you, like, punk, or something?" I smiled and said "Or something... Why?" She said, "Because its cool."
Awww... I love my little cousin! She's so young, and I see so much beauty in her. She was talking about beating up boys on the porch and I felt so much family pride. I would do so much for her. I can't wait until she grows up.
Sally said she couldn't eat brownies anymore because she's on Atkins so Uncle Richard took a big bite in her face and said, "I'll describe it for you."... I almost died and my dad gave him a fucking thumbs up. It's Christmas! Eat a fucking brownie for christ's sake! She ain't that fat...
Hunter is resembling an anime character more and more. You know the one that's a kid and he has big black spiked hair? Yeah, I don't know fucking anime, but that's the one.

*I will paint myself out*

I'm kind of glad Grandmother was away with Carson. She would have bugged me about my lack of a boyfriend, my weight, my clothes, my hair, my ears and their *gasp* TWO holes in each ear. (I always take out my other piercings with her around) Egh. I love her to death and my heart can swell for her, but... Jesus.

*And my body still aches*

Darren texted me last night-
"Whenever I see you at the mall you never just say hey or wave or anything. I always have to try to figure out if its you or not. Makes me feel like you don't want me too notice or talk to you."
I respond- "You only like me when you've been drinking."
He said- "That's ridiculous. That's all I can say about that. Really."
Darren is very much over.

*I almost feel sorry for what I'm going to do*

I'm not a fucking idiot. I know if a guy is good for me or not. I honestly just do not enjoy being alone and yes, I realize every single goddamn guy I have been with has been a douche in some way, shape, or form. I make myself happiness that is obviously shallow and ultimately false... but it works. Or it did work. But I found someone... I don't know. I didn't. Nevermind. Fuck. fuck. FUCK!
I bottle so much. I hold back so much. Then every once in a while something will slip out of my mouth that I desperately wish I could take back. Honest truth that came from the heart... yet it isn't ready to endure reality.
I want happiness. I devotedly search but with no fucking avail.
... So I find the next best thing.

*I will hold the past over your head*

I want someone that will fill me. Complete me. Take both of our broken halves to make a jagged, taped up, glued up, perfect heart. And I see that. I see it.
But it is an unfortunate situation.
I want to make Tsou Tofu over noodles and let someone enjoy it. Make someone cookies in the shape of penises and vaginas, or puppies and flowers, it doesn't matter. Just let me love someone. I want a pillow and a punching bag. Someone who has the power to break my heart in millions of splinters, but never would. Someone whom I can wear their clothes and sleep in their sheets and be familiar with the intricacies of their kitchen. And it's right fucking there! The ultimate potential.
But... it is an unfortunate situation.

*Call me and let me taste the salt you breath while you were underneath*

02:01 pm: CELESTE!!
celeste celeste celeste

CALL ME. IT IS IMPERATIVE TO MY SANITY THAT I SPEAK WITH YOU!!

03:02 pm: WELCOME TO 2005... AND YES, ITS GOING TO FUCKING SUCK JUST AS BAD AS 2004.
Jesus Christ, spend even an hour in a car with Luke and you'll be singing fucking Kelly Clarkson for the next twenty-four hours. Not that he entirely lacks taste, we sang along to Alanis and Bush, and he likes little Jimmy Urine.... He justs needs some work thats all.
CELESTE! You would fucking love him! I quit my job (because I would get fired anyway today for not making quota), but we're going to hang out soon (he owes me lunch), you should definately fucking come. Hehe. Come.
... He shares a lot of my sayings... It's odd.
Police were driving down the road and he goes, "Look! It's the po-pos!" and he was talking about something, like Jell-o or some shit, and he said, "I almost CREAMED myself!"
There are others, I just don't remember them.
He's absolutely lovely. He used to be a gay stripper. He's pale with black hair and blue eyes. I adore him.

Hey, sweetcheeks, where are you spending the night tonite? Where shall I pick you up bright and early tomorrow morning for your septum? Oh! Fuck! I'm excited... and it's not even my nose...

12:52 am: .
.
.
.
.
.
NO REALLY...
.
.
.
.
.
.
FUCK THIS INANE SHITTY SHITHOLE
.
.
.
.
.
.

11:29 pm: .
.
.
.
.
.
fuck this inane shit
.
.
.
.
.
.

07:15 pm: ME VS. MARADONA VS. ELVIS
His hand slowly fell against her knee. A smile crept across her face. Everyone knew, they just prefered to ignore it and continue watching the tv. In the semi-darkness, she felt confident enough to play with his fingers, rake her nails across his tattoos, even lay her head against his shoulder. No one turned their heads, save for Jay, and all he did was look back and smile.
The clock above the books inched towards three. The room was still crowded. Spence looked around at all the faces, sleep barely etched on their skin.
He sighed loudly, "I think I'm going to go to bed and crash out."
He stood up and started collecting the numerous vodka bottles, the shot glasses, the Kool Aid, and occasional empty plate. She delicately picked up the Kleenex in front of her that contained a dead centipede. She walked it to the trash can in the kitchen, followed closely by Spence. They filled the can with the used liquor bottles and emptied out the ashtrays. He pulled her to the side and gently tugged at her hair, rearranging it because he was too drunk to speak intelligibly. She smiled.
"So what now?"
He looked back in the room where a new movie was just starting up, the couches and floor a sea of breathing blankets and socked feet. "We could go to sleep."
"Are you sleepy?"
He smiled and lowered his fingers to her lips, "Noooooo."
He kissed her, his tongue piercing lightly grazing her lip ring. He tasted of Smirnoff and strawberrie Kool Aid. He tightened his grip around her waist so he could lead her toward the bedroom. She slipped and both stumbled into the counter. He giggled in his drunken stupor and she cut her hip on the underside of the edge.
They walk to the bedroom, he walking a slight distance behind her, trying to be as quiet and stealthy as possible.
She closed the door and turned off the lights. Bill Maher was on the television and the dog lay across the bed sheets. She kneeled down and kissed its nose as Spence tried pushing it off the bed. The dog turned over, but didn't move.
"LOLA! Down!"
The dog slowly inched toward the edge then gently padded to the floor.

12:23 pm: BAH, BITCH, BAH...

I Miss You by Blink 182

"The unsuspecting victim Of darkness in the valley We can live like Jack and Sally if we want Where you can always find me" You grew up a lot in 2004. And it was mostly a very good thing.

03:44 am: WELL....
My balls are officially bluish in color now... it's getting better.

12:28 pm: WT*BLAZING*F? PT I
People suck. They honest to fucking goodness suck... on so many levels.
Even if you are miraculously a good person, you are not happy. Therefore, you fucking suck.
I told a bunch of loud, obnoxious, jerk-offs in the theatre last night to 'Stop being stupid cunts'. Oh, and I saw Darkness, by the way,... it sucked.
I drew a pic of Sid Vicious yesterday and he looks like a potato, in an art deco kind of way. I am not pleased.
Boys suck. Especially boys under house arrest with a dinky plastic anklet. Fuck you.
I feel myself bloating like a cow due to the goodness that is oyster stuffing, mashed potatoes, smoked salmon, and cookies. That's what I eat at the holidays.... three things, in a little circle on my plate. So cute. And then I eat cookies. Cookies are good.
I got Operation Ivy, Alkaline Trio, and The Clash on vinyl. My mommy did damn good this year. And I got Hunter S. Thompson, Tom Wolfe, and a couple of vegetarian cookbooks.
:)
Fuck yes.
Presents make the world a better place.
My mommy doesn't suck. But all you motherfuckers doooo!!

*And we'll pretend it's Christmas Day in my Atomic Garden*